Something new

Cathy had someone come in and care for her today for 8 hours. I saw the doctor for the reason that the girl from Lakeview center wanted to and went by and signed a release for them to get the information. It was pretty aggravating having to set in a waiting room full of people making a lot of noise. I had to put both ear buds in to keep all the other noise from getting too much for me to handle. That made it hard to hear when peoples names were being called to see the doctor. I had to get right up amongst them to be close enough to know when someone was being called so I could pause my MP3 player to listen to who was being called. I don't think much of the doctors opinion he expressed to me. My problems are caused by drug use during my teen age years. Nothing to do with being hit in the head with a small sledge hammer 25-30 years ago. I agree about the hammer incident but not the drug use. Nothing about all the noise on my head. Nothing about being abused by my own mother. Nothing about being shuttled around from one place to another when my mother didn't want us. Nothing about being made to feel like I was less than everyone else by my step mother and uncle during my stays with them. Nothing about my father abandoning my mother and my brothers when we were very young. Nothing about way he acted after he found me as  an adult and conned me into moving to Arkansas with promises of making up for some of his mistakes when I was young and then abandoning me again except when he wanted to get drunk. He would tolerate me then because his wife would get me to stay with him while he made the rounds and keep him out of trouble. He was just a pile of shit for a father. Likable but never a father which was what I wanted him to be. My mother was mean and hateful, but at least she never ignored us except when  she would leave us with other people. She wasn't too bad with my brothers but me and my little sister were just not as good as they were for some reason. Maybe because they looked like our father. Jennifer had a different father that us boys. I should have been a better brother to her. She would probably be alive today if anyone had taken an interest in her. I actually made her leave when she was staying with me and Cathy not long before she got killed. If I hadn't done that, she wouldn't have been where she was doing the things she was doing when she got ran over. It would be nice for her to be around now. she did look up to me and I not only let her down, but I treated her the same way everyone treated me and shoved her away. Theres really no excuses for some of the things I have done.