Memorial day

Well, its just another day. And Cathy has been taken care of as far as her morning meds and a trip to the bathroom. Had to take a Xanax already. It feels like my life is over. I hurt 24 hours a day. I have this noise screaming in my head eternaly. I am out of breath after just walking Cathy less than 10 feet to her potty chair and putting her back to bed. If I go outside in the heat, it gets worse. I'm always either crying or angry. Never have anything to do that is actually enjoyable. Well, there are moments where I have pleasant things go through my mind like when I can think about something nice to do with Cathy. But those times are very few and don't last long. I've had two days in the past 10 months that I could do anything I wanted to and all I could do was find somewhere out of the heat and turn my MP3 player on to distract me from the noise and keep the rest of the world out. Even being at the beach wasn't enjoyable. Right now, I have a purpose with Cathy needing me. What will I have when she's gone? What will I do? I already am out of place out in public. Are things going to get worse without Cathy?