Another day

  God, I don't know what I'm gonna do.I can't believe she makes my life hard just because she wants to. It does seem that way a lot of the time. The hospice nurse comes today. I have probably asked before but i am gonna ask today if there is any kind of day care I can take Cathy to sometimes. That would be a great help for me and she might enjoy interacting with other people some. She is starting , no has been doing her shit for hours already. She is a master at manipulation and uses confusion as a weapon. She asks " how does her calling me repeatedly cause me pain. I explain over and over that every step I take on my messed up ankle hurts. " Oh you poor thing" is what I get. She would make a normal person want to leave. I wouldn't let anyone else treat me the way she does. If I send her wawy or leave her, I'm convinced she will wither and die. Maybe that would be the best thing for all involved. I get very little out of this life and she just crushes every little thing that I have a chance to enjoy. I just told her I don't want to be married to her any more. I can't take her total disregard for the misery she causes me. I have enough without any more from her. She won't look at the way she acts hurts other people. With me, its both physical and mental touture she puts me through. I can't blame our son for not wanting to come around us. She would tell me lies to get him in trouble when he didn't do as she wanted and I gave him plenty of trouble because I always believed her. I've been pretty naive about things my whole life I guess. It took many years into adulthood to realise what my mother was always trying to do to us kids and 30 something years to realise what Cathy is doing to me and has done to our son. I should hate her  and my mother and my father. I don't care much about my father but I just don't hate my mother or Cathy. I do think I hate my mothers other living son. I know I don't like him. I tried to do right by him for my mothers sake and because I told her I would try to help him out after shes gone but he has tried at every chance he could find to rob me and my family of whats rightfully mine. He sold family posessions that he had no right to sell and even tried to have me arrested for breaking into my mothers house in an attempt to steal it.
  What do I do about Cathy? I have turned my musoc all the way up to prevent her pittiful little cries and wimpers from melting my heart. She is very good at that sort of thing. She uses all the mental weapons available to the most devious minds in existance. I can't even listen to " loving you" right now and that is one my favorite songs when I'm not in a dark mood.