New Day

Its a new day and maybe a better one. I hope so. I was dying yesterday from pain. The day before, Cathy had been overdoing things and passed out in the living room chair. I had to carry her to bed and get her laid down. My back was hurting so bad yesterday, I was short tempered. I don't remember any times when the tears would run. Maybe pain and anger are the cure for my depression. If it is, I hope I can find a better one, or at least a better way to get it under control. I just don't know what to do. I need to have some normal days without any tears or anger, and relativly low amounts of pain. It would also be nice if the noise would go away but that ain't gonna happen. It suks.  What the hell can I do? Between all my problems and Cathy pileing more and more on top of them, I just don't know. I will be here as long as Cathy needs me, but, when she is gone, will I find another reason good enough to put up with this hellish existance?  The only hope I can see is moving somewhere where they have made allowances for MMJ. The only decent time I have is a short time before bedtime. I smoke a little cannabis so I can get some sleep and I actualy feel OK for a little while. If it  weren't so expensive, it also helps during the daytime but I can just barely afford enough to help me sleep some at night. It doesn't do enough to stop the rages when they pop up or the tears when they come crashing in, but I could feel OK most of the time. If I could afford it.  Hell I have to find something that will work now. I can't wait till Cathy dies. I don't want her to die. I would like to be OK while she is still here and be nice to her and spend time being happy with her. If she would get stronger and learn to behave, and I could somehow get a decent sized travel trailer and truck to pull it with, then sell this place for enough to get a small lot to live on in southern California. But pigs don't fly either. Later.