good day and bad

  Well, the deal I was working on worked out on both ends so I feel a might better, and no where as much pain. I have to ration things so I make it last as long as possible. But Cathy has been a problem all day. She has spent the whole day in bed and is kinda week. she has also been very needy today, and not always willing to be nice. I try to be understanding with her but, even at my best, I'm no good at it. My best is to just try to be quietly helpful.  Make sure if she needs anything, she has it, and that ain't easy. I don't know why but she'll tell me all the things she doesn't want and I still have to ask her what she does want. Sometimes she just wants me to listen to her gripe it seems like. I try but its never enough. Like taking her to the flea market. I walk her through the entire thing, buy her shoes for a doll I despise and even a wooden jewelry box for her junk. She's still mad today that I wouldn't buy her any plants. I bought some tomato plants to put in planters on the porch, but she wants something different and don't know even what she wants. And I'm the one that has to take care of anything she gets. And she's still trying to find something to bitch about. She just asked me if I need the living room light on and its not even on. God, I don't want her to die but, I need her to get better. She started that shit  about wanting to go home to her Mama and Daddy (they're both dead by the way) but its all just to make me feel bad about something or another. I told her all she had to do was quit eating like she did when she came out of the hospital, but she didn't even slow down on her supper. I feel bad about it after I say things like that because she only has a child's mind and can't see what it does to me. Here I am working my butt off trying to make her life good enough to at least hang around and see if anything gets better but nothing I ever do is enough. And except for the problems I bring into her world, she ain't got it that bad. Not counting the fact that she's dying. But I'm always pushing her to not believe it and it been going on for over two years so far and she's still going strong, for someone in her shape. She can over do it just a little and she gets too week to even sit up sometimes for days. She'll sit up to eat and with me feeding her, she will just get too tired and wants to lay back down. That little heart of hers ain't very strong but it always keeps on beating. Sometimes as slow as 40 something beats a minute and way low blood pressure but it keeps on beating.
  Gotta go.