Poor Cathy is wanting to talk to someone so bad, shes having a conversation with a recorder. I wish she had a friend. At least she isn't bothering me every five minutes. I finally got a shower tonight. I have a doctors appointment in the morning. I sure hope I'm not just wasting my time with all these doctors appointments. I'm pretty sure tomorrow is just an evaluation. I'm gonna be disappointed if I just learn that theres nothing I can do other than what I'm doing already to cope with things. My dad told me that he had an uncle with the same kinda noise and his got so bad, he had surgery to cut the nerve that carries signals from the ears. I don't think I could do that. One of the few pleasures i have in this world is music and I would miss it terribly if I were to allow someone to make me deaf. I don't think something like that would help either. I'm pretty sure that the noise makes my anxiety worse a lot of the time but i don't think its the root cause of it. Just don't know.
I'll be glad when Cathy decides to go to bed. She finally found someone to talk to and don't show any sign of shutting up and going to sleep. I'll set the alarm clock to be safe but I'm always up way before it ever goes off. I'll have to remember to take a Xanax before I leave. Last time I tried to go through a psych evaluation, I had to get up and walk out before it even got good and started. I'm pretty sure that broad didn't want to be there when I went to see her. She shows up late and has two big dogs with her. Then as she unlocks the door and goes inside, she stops and turns around and locks the steel gate back and says she'll be with me in a few minutes. Sure, I figure shes gonna put the dogs up. No way. a few minutes later she comes and unlocks the gate and motions me to come on in and the dogs are still at her side. She starts off with something to the effect of " I hope you don't mid the dogs. They go everywhere with me". OK, I like dogs and these seem well behaved so we go into her office with the dogs checking me out for a few seconds. Still not to big a deal. She has a fan going underneath a table blowing air to nowhere. I try to explain about the problems I have with hearing and understanding her with a noise that close and would she mind turning it off. No way. First she starts off with it for privacy because it makes it hard for anyone to over hear our conversations. Theres no one else there but me and her. I point that fact out to her and she comes back would I like to reschedule the evaluation? No, I've made arraignments to be able to be there to do it so lets go ahead and do it. would she pleas turn of the fan so i would be able to understand her when she talks. No. She keeps it on for a distraction. i had to get up and walk out before I lost control. I just didn't know any way to handle it without telling her what I thought of her, and that might have gotten me locked up there in Mississippi. Think the "good ol boy' and family and friends getting preferential treatment and just pure outright corruption is a thing of the past? Go to Mississippi.and learn history that hasn't changed on decades. Teen agers in county vehicles at the Sonic on a Saturday night. People like the broad getting paid for doing a job and making every effort to avoid having to do it. Sometimes, I just don't see anyplace for me in this world as I get older and am not able to sustain my own existence without living amongst people. Well, I don't like where things are heading so I'm gonna quit. Later
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