Today doesn't officially suk, yet. i think Cathy's brother and girlfriend will soon be gone. He's at least going through the motions as far as I can see. I won't stoop so low as to listen in on his phone calls to get verification that hes telling the truth, even though he has scammed us before just to have a place to lay up at. They came to visit one time for the weekend and I had to make them leave after almost two weeks. More like about 10 days but it seems like it was a month. But I have been treating them with dignity and hoping they get the idea because they know trying to scam me won't get them anything.
I'm listening to Willie right now. Not a real country fan but a big fan of Willie's. His music helps keep things flowing peacefully along.
Cathy is being a pain but she at least is listening to me when I beg her to let me be if she doesn't really need anything. She forgets after a few minutes but she is being a little more reasonable than a lot of the time. She's been having episodes of depression more than normal today also. Gotta be real careful how I react with her today. I been having to take the Xanax a lot the last couple of days and feel kinda "pent up" if that makes any sense.
I'm pretty sure they are leaving soon. He's trying to get me to find some way to pay him to finish work that I've already paid him to do. I will find some way to do it myself before I'll try to figure out a way to pay him again. Either just put it off or wait till I'm having a great day, for me, and do it myself. Theres just putting the plug wires on and the dash panels to replace left. He did cut the grass which was a more imeadiate chore that really needed doing so I've at least bought myself some time. Thanks to Willie for helping me settle down. I kinda got upset when he suggested I pay him for finishing what he started. Cathy is having a miserable day and I just had to bite down on my tongue and get away from him to keep from making her world worse. I'm not real good at making her happy but I can do my best to keep from adding any more misery to her life. Sometimes my best ain't very good. I hate when I lose control of myself and forget what she means to me. Emotionally, I'm all over the place from can't imagine living without her to can't wait till she's gone. In my mind, I know she means more to me than anything else in this world. Almost every night, we are holding hands at some point between laying down and dropping off to sleep. In fact, she is the only person on this earth that I'm comfortable touching me. I never grew out of that " don't touch me" thing. I even cut my own hair so I won't have anyone messing with me. I have a set of clippers and a 1/2 inch guide and just whack it all off. I would rather have it grow long but its a lot easier to just cut it off short a couple times a year. I'm not the most well kept person in the neighborhood. That counselor at the clinic kinda surprised me by telling me that I looked "scruffy", and I thought I was dressed up. Well, for me, I was dressed up. And I always take a shower and shave the night before I have to go anywhere and deal with people. Normally, most of the time, I'll just wash off in the sink. I think it may have something to do with me being a little claustrophobic. Every time I move to a different place, I always envision a large shower area with a bench seat and plenty of room with a large mirror set up in it and a light over head but close to the wall with the mirror. Later.
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