Didn't help long

  Well, I had another day off away from Cathy. Even took my Xanax. Had to have my MP3 in both ears at the beach on a mid week day. The biggest noise was this inside my head. It is intense today. Even overlaping the Xanax wouldn't let me take a nap when they usualy make me take one. I would lay down in the van for a while and just stay there. I really needed something beside anger to be more intense than this noise. Still do. Cathy is making it hard to keep the anger away. She is not a person I would choose to be around but for some strange reason I love her. Those were the only pleasant thoughts I had when I went to the beach. Imagining holding her and helping her walk to the water and holding her while we walked in. Never got any farther than that. Couldn't find anything pleasant to occupy my mind because the noise wouldn't let me think very long before my thought turned to hateing this noise, its so bad today. Just won't let me ignore it for any length of time. just don't know