Made it through that mess

  I hate having to take Cathy to that flea market. It is crowded and LOUD. Most of the time, when I'm out and about with Cathy, I only put one ear bud in and hang the other one in the neck of my T-shirt so I can know when Cathy says something. I had to put them in both ears and turn it up today. And ignorant, callous people that don't care about anything or anybody around them. One stupid broad literally dragged her little boy across Cathy's feet and legs. I started to reach out and shove her back but stopped myself and just pulled Cathy out from under the kid.  I used to think I had gotten my self control to a point where I don't put my hands on other people but I think it was just unconsciously staying away from places,  people and situations that might make things uncomfortable enough for me to get set off. I almost went off on that broad. I think some of the people around us believed I did from the way I talked to her. She got off lightly, and I guess I did too. At least I didn't have to have a cop intervene to save my butt this time. I wonder how long I can keep getting lucky. Its obvious to me now that I don't have as much self control as I keep telling myself.  Poor Cathy is the one that suffers the most for my temper even when I'm not angry at her, or anybody else for that matter. She suffers because I don't go anywhere that I don't have to. I think its been about 6 years since we have gone out to a restaurant other than to get carry-out.  And then, it was only because our son made a big deal out of our thirtyth anniversary. Can't remember the last time before that. That woman has given up a lot to be my wife. That's one of the reasons I won't give up on her and put her in an institution, even if we could afford a nice one. Did I mention yet that we are sorta co-dependant on each other?  gotta go.