I don't know where to start. My doctor finally accepted the fact that I wasn't gonna take any medication with side effects that affect me. He's OK with that. I let him know I canceled the appointment with Dr. Light and wasn't going to see him again. Turns out that he was going to suggest the same lady that Dr. Light recommended. She's a social worker with their clinic. I wasn't sure what she was so I asked. Did I mention that she is setting me up with a psych evaluation. I have to get someone to set with Cathy again. I hate having to keep asking them people for more help. I hate asking anyone for anything but I just can't handle everything any more. Things weren't so bad before Cathy got down. She would take care of me and I would take care of everything else. Now. I can just barely make it through what should be an easy day. I don't dare take on anything that isn't absolutely necessary. Which reminds me, I need to fix the brakes on the van. I was in heavy traffic coming home and had to use the brakes pretty hard a few times and they must have gotten hot because they started to fade. I thought sure I was gonna rear end one idiot that decided he wanted to change lanes in front of me and just stop so he wouldn't miss his turn, I recon. Didn't even get into the center lane where he's supposed to for turning. Then he looked at me like "WHAT!" for yelling as I got to go around him. Some people are so stupid. I want to just run over people like that sometimes just to show them what the consequences can be like for driving with their head up their butt. Well that's enough anger for now.
Cathys in bed sleeping again. Its kinda nice, her not needing me every 5 minutes but she'll likely make up for it later.
Her cousin just called and gave me a good reason to wake her up. I don't really care for her but Cathy deserves any distraction she can get that doesn't hurt her. But her cousin, Janice is a real wack job if you ask me. Won't quit talking if you let her get started. And can start crying at the drop of a hat. I know that happens to me a lot, the tears, but she seems to do it on cue when ever it will get her what she wants. Not something she hates having happen, but a tool to manipulate people with. Maybe she's not all that bad but I just hate having anyone around that I can't believe whatever they say. And here I am, madly in love with a woman that will say anything that comes to mind to get her way. But I know shes a wack job so I just try to get past any little lies she tells me. She has the mind a a young teen at the best. And is incapable of reason other that what she feels. But she loves me truly and I've never had to worry about her wanting anyone else besides me. Thats something important to me is loyalty. I had a younger sister that was almost as "unwanted" as me and I felt sorry for her but she at least had our Granny that was always taking up for her and treating her like she was special. I could have been closer to her and probably should have made the effort but its too late now. I didn't even go to her funeral. I think she would have been a good sister if I had given her a chance. I know I could have made a difference in her life if I would have tried. Can't continue.
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