New Day

  Well, after tossing around in bed for god knows how long, I gave it up and got out of bed. My lower back and hips get to bothering me after a little sleep and if anything disturbs me, I have a very hard time getting back to sleep. Cathy is always good for that. Bothering me that is. She'll start moaning and if I don't catch on with the first groan, she gets louder and will even start slapping my bed, or me if I'm close enough. Sometimes, she'll want to pee as many as 3 times in an hour. But, anytime around 4:00 or so, I should give her some of her medicine so it works out for everything except me sleeping. I don't sleep much anyway but I sure wish I could sleep all day everyonce in a while. I don't even get any relief when I get sick which happens a lot. Not real sick most of the time, but just a little dizzyness and nausea. I'm pretty sure that this problem is caused by whatever thing is causing the screaming in my head.  Sometimes, I would let the doctors give me something to try to maake things better but as usual, they're either not effective or they make me sick. I have gotten tired of all the shade tree, trial and error type practice of medicine.
  Well, I can see the light creeping around the blinds so it must be getting daylight. I needed to move around some to keep the aches from setting up in my hips and lower back so I made me some breakfast. It's almost always one of two variations. Either instant grits and eggs or those paper mache sausage and bisquits from the freezer and eggs. I almost hate those sausage and bisquits but they are filling and there is little clean-up from them. In fact, I use the paper towel from heating the bisquits to clean the pan where I cook the eggs. I hate washing dishes. Actualy, I hate any kind of house work or cleaning. I don't mind washing my hands a lot for safety but anything and everything else is a chore and a bother. Even taking a shower. I have to want to shower before I'm willing to stand up long enough and go through all the gyrations I have to go through to get a shower. I hate to shave too. that hurts almost as much as standing long enough to shower but it gives me a good opportunity to wash off so I don't smell. At least I can't smell me any more when I wash off. That doesn't really mean a lot as my smeller doesn't work very good but I do at least make the effort to keep somewhat clean. It sure would be nice to have on of those tubs with the comfortable seating positions and water jets to give me a massage and hand rails so I could get in and out. I've lived without such luxuaries for over half a century so I recon I'll get along without for the next 50 years. If I last that long.  I kinda hope for a long life but don't want to just have to continue suffering forever. My back and hips are starting to set up and ache again so I need to move around some. I'll just take care of the dogs and that will give me enough active movement to keep things from getting to painfull from just setting in place too long. BRB.
  Now its just after 7:00 am and I'm caught up with the dogs and feeding them and putting out fresh water. All the aches and small pains are in full force now.  I wish that all the hype about science based drug and health policies were not just false promises from Obama. Cannabis is the only thing I have found that helps my pain and a host of other problems but under the current system, I can't afford it since I've had to quit doing anything much except caring for Cathy 24/7. When I am lucky enough to get ahold of some, I have to save it for night so I can get some sleep. I would love to have a nice day most of the time. I'm not greedy and want every pleasure imaginable all the time but just to have a nice day with pain being tolerable and the screaming in my head not be able to drive me up a wall. Also, it would be nice to actually feel happy once in a while. Things used to didn';t be so bad before Cathy got down. I could make enough money doing work here and there that I could get to be able to afford to support myself at least.
  Well, count on Cathy to bring me back to reality. Here I am whining about all  my problems and here she is in a wolrd of hurt and depression herself. But she doesn't look at things the same way I do. She still has hope for things to get better. The most important things for her to accomplish, in her mind, are for her to be able to walk and cook for me and clean the house. I'm sure that if she were to reach those goals, she would want to go shoping and such that would be for her pleasure alone but anong her first priorities is little ol me.  While this is great for her and me when I can appreciate it, it kinda makes things worse in my mind. Here I feel humbled by her tenacity and the pain she endures but I also feel miserable and want things to be better for myself when I already have so much more than she does and mmost of what she wants it to take care of me and our home. How can I be so selfish when right in front of me, all day, every day, is someone thats is so much worse off than I am. Gotta go for now. all this self-examination isn't easy and causes me to need to get my mind elsewhere for a while.